I completely fail at keeping diaries.
I don't know why, well that's a lie, 'cause I know I'm lazy and that that doesn't help, but I'm also a procrastinator, and surely that traite of mine should AID diary-writing being that a diary is in entirity quite pointless?
Still, before I even start this, I will first give a brief (HA) summary of things to expect:
First off, I am a rambler, bigtime. And this will make itself most prominant in due course.
Second, I lack grammatical sense, not logic, I can't help it that I am just very fond of brackets and commas, and have a strict adversity to fullstops. So sorry to all you grammar-nazis and I hope you don't claw your own eyeballs out.
And lastly, I tend to contradict myself almost every time I update my entries, one day saying my life is right on course, the next it's in chaos. That is partly due to the fact I leave giant gaping gaps from months to YEARS between my entries, and partly because I'm just plain lazy and only really write stuff when my mind can do nothing other than reel over it again and again.
So now you know vaguely what's in store (that's if anyone's even reading this *laughs to herself*).
And now I'm gonna set myself some ground rules, because I believe that if there's one thing I really need to learn in life currently, it's dedication and I swear I'll try to stick to them:
1) I will TRY to update at least once a week
2) I will be completely truthful in everything I say, even if it's biased and nasty at times, I fake a lot of emotions in RL and that tires me out as is I don't even KNOW why I do methinks I'm just insecure about letting people get under my skin, so I may as well be honest to the net, which if I'm to put it more frankly is more my home than my house ever will be.
3) I will never delete or edit any of my entries, because I believe to do that is to deny your mistakes, and I know I'll make plenty of them and write angrilly about people I love, then take it back and vice versa. Diaries are about honesty, to change my words would be to re-hash the truth, so I won't do it (no matter how much my old words make my skin crawl...which I assure you, they will *shudders*...I'll keep them to learn by)
So yeah, there're my rules and warnings, and I can already tell now that I'll most likely break them within 2 weeks time...I really do suck at keeping diaries, sure I can write them and ramble to eternity, but I somehow fail at keeping them...
Anyway on to the actual entry, it's Valentine's Day today, uneventful for me, as always.
Yet I think this year is probably the first time I've actually been truly disappointed by it, normally I never even notice that the day is a special occasion, today I was kinda quietly pining for something to happen.
Mainly due to one of my bestfriends' parties last week and the events that transpired there which I'm both half-anxious-to-promote, and half-regretful-and-wishing-had-never-happened.
Now, I'm not a very popular girl in terms of romance; I'm a geek (that translates as ugly-average looking, clever-or-likes-to-act-it and plays too many computer games) I'm anti-social (for every 5 hours with people I need at least 3 alone...God knows why, but I've never really felt there's anyone I can properly be myself around which leads me on to...) Paranoid (especially of boys my age, then again maybe it's just a complete adversity to teenagers in general, even though I am one ¬_¬) I don't wear make-up nor take care of my body unless it'll kill me if I don't, and I'm often violent and aggressive in behaviour (although most of my violence is jokey and I rarely if ever hurt people, not to mention I feel a lot of the people I know deliberately provoke me just because my reactions are entertaining -_- but I can't help that, it's just my personality).
So yes, I am not popular with guys, or at least that's what I believe, even though many of my friends say that I am, but if that's the case then why am I single yet fond of certain people enough as to happily accept them if they asked me out?
I've never quite understood that, and I refuse to be the brave one in the beginnings of a relationship because I am completely new and inexperienced and too proud to let myself stumble or fall...and I do not trust people to take care of my heart.
Agh, I'm too lazy and paranoid and annoyed to continue with this when it'll come out in the next entry or so anyway, hopefully this gave you a taster as to what I'm like, advice would be interesting but I doubt I'll heed it, and goodnight >_<
